Thursday, February 02, 2006

Political Barbershop

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.


Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later, a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as "How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More Successful."

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the right and the left.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Republican's PBS Schedule

A Typical Daily PBS Schedule If The Public Broadcasting Leaders Cave In To Republican Pressure

8:00 am Censorship Today
Bush Administration Officials explore new ideas for aquiring records from google about what type of pornography they are looking at. Plus special guest, George H. W. Bush explains why shows such as the Simpsons and bands like the Beach are poisoning our youth and must be stopped.

9:00 am Mr. Rogers' Segregated Neighborhood

King Friday sings "Elitism is neat." The House Un-American Activities investigation of Mr. McFeely continues. Mr. Rogers explains why certain kids can't be his neighbor.
10:00 am Sesame Street

Jerry Falwell teaches Big Bird to be more judgemental. Oscar the Grouch plays substitute for Rush Limbaugh. Bert and Ernie are kicked out of the military. Jesse Helms bleaches all the Muppets white.
11:00 am Square One

A MathNet episode "Ernest Does Trickle-Down." Jim Varney explains how cutting taxes for the rich and spending more on defense will balance the budget.
12 Noon Washington Week in Review

Special guest Senator Bob Dole, explaining why the current pension crisis, budget deficit, bank closings, farm foreclosures, S & L bailouts, inflation, recession, job loss, and trade deficit can all be blamed on the Carter Administration.

1:00 pm Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?

Guest detective Pat Buchanan helps kids build a wall around the U.S.

2:00 pm William F. Buckley's Firing Line

Guests George Will, Rush Limbaugh, John Sununu, Pat Buchanan, James Kilpatrick, Mona Charen, G. Gordon Liddy, Robert Novak, Bay Buchanan, Pat Robertson, Joseph Sobran, Paul Harvey, Phyllis Schafly, Maureen Reagan, and John McLaughlin bemoan the need for more conservative media voices.

3:00 pm Nature

Join James Watt and Charlton Heston as they use assault weapons to bag endangered species.

4:00 pm NOVA

"Creationism: Discredited, but what the hell?"

5:00 pm Newt Gingrich News Hour

Clarence Thomas and Bob Packwood present in-depth personal reports on sexual harassment. Pat Buchanan says he is being shut out from national exposure.

6:00 pm Mystery Theater

Hercule Poirot, Jane Marple, and Sherlock Holmes team up to investigate Whitewater.

7:00 pm Great Performances

Pat Buchanan is a guest conductor of Wagner's "Prelude to a Cultural War."

8:00 pm Masterpiece Theater: Ibsen's "A Doll's House."

Phyllis Schafly contributes to this classic with an added scene in which Nora gladly gives up her independence while her husband chains her to the stove.

9:30 pm Washington Week in Review

Guests Bill O'Reilly, Tucker Carlson, Ann Coulter, George Will, Rush Limbaugh, John Sununu, Pat Buchanan, James Kilpatrick, Mona Charen, G. Gordon Liddy, Robert Novak, Bay Buchanan, Pat Robertson, Joseph Sobran, Paul Harvey, Phyllis Schafly, Maureen Reagan, and John McLaughlin discuss liberal media bias.

10:00 pm How to use the Bible as proof to disoute scientific certainties such as evolution.

How to Profit from Ozone Depletion
10:30 pm Nightly Business Report

Wall Street celebrates the end of all laws regarding antitrust, consumer protection, work-place safety, environmental protection, minimum wage and child labor.
11:00 pm Insights of Dan Quayle

11:01 pm How to re establish the fantasyland America of yesteryear which has only ever existed in the minds of republicans.

Your joke sucked. Even republicns would have to admit that. I don't consider myself a democrat but if your going to put up mindless, uneducated, irrelevant, and unffuny jokes you should at least do it for both sides. The above stereotypes are no different then the one you pointed out.

Chris said...

I love how the entire comment above is nothing but propaganda, using individual's actions to generalize an entire political party and has so many glaring falsities (evolution is a THEORY, in no way a certainty, a list of a dozen conservative media players does not change that the media is VERY liberal, etc). Just ONCE I'd like to see a liberal (Democrat, Libertarian, or whatever you call yourself) back any argument whatsoever with something concrete, instead of attacks on individuals and worthless propaganda.

Anonymous said...

Very good Chris! The joke WAS propaganda. So was the first one. They were both peices of mindless propaganda that have little basis in fact. That was the whole point of the post, to point out the unfair generalizations from my post are similar to the ones found in the original one. Just once I'd like to see a Republican, elitist, neo conservtive facist, or whatever you call yourself, man up and put down the bible and join us in the 21st century in the age of science and reason. Wed love to have ya.

Anonymous said...

Served.

Chris said...

That is where you're wrong - the original joke was NOT propaganda, it is the real mindset of the Democratic party (generalizations are not stereotypes if they are true). The Democratic party gets more left-wing libertarian and socialist with each passing day, which is why they are so quickly losing their numbers (not to mention through abortion and euthanasia they are cutting their numbers substantially)

Chris said...

As for the "put down the Bible" comment, explain this - http://www.bibleplus.org/discoveries/sodomfound.htm - with purely science and reason. Also, look at the fact that Einstein, one of the greatest minds of our time and founders of modern ideas of physics, had a deep-seated belief in God, and said that he believed (based on his scientific studies) that God was necessary to explain some phenomena (which we still cannot explain)

Anonymous said...

Haha. You make me smile Chris. Thanks for making my day. The republican party gets more facist like everyday. You have obviously been brought up in a consevrative bubble. You can't even understand what liberals really stand for. It's a sign of extreme ignorance when one cannot acknowledge another's beleifs and see how they came to hold them. People like you are why we have a divided country. You are ruining America with your extreme arrogance and deep seeded hatred for anybody who doesn't think the same way you do. You dont even seem to support republicans as much as you hate liberal democrats. Thats as stupid as it is mentally unhealthy. Liberals are liberal because it goes with THEIR lifestyle not yours. Just like you're COnservtive because of your vlues. And your comment that the democratic party is becoming more socialist everyday; guess what, thats propoganda son. You are just to ignorant to know it. If you had any sort of education in political science you would know that elected officials from both parties are notoriously moderate. Thats why a republic like ours works so well.
And finally, Einstein used God to explain anything that couldn't be explained outherwise. Evolution is "only a theory" because scientist cannot recreate it in a labratory setting. It takes millions of years to happen. However, the evidence of it is soooo overwhelming, that scientists (except christian scientists who beleive fossils were put here by God to fool man into beleiving in evolution) accept it as fact. If you believe in intelligent design here is a list of other things that you should beleive in as well as they are backed up by just as much scientific proof. Enjoy your psuedosciences (Please note creationsim under 'c' and intelligent design under 'i'".....

A

abracadabra
acupuncture
ad hoc hypothesis
Afrocentrism
agnosticism
akashic record
alchemy
alien abduction
allopathy
alphabiotics
alpha waves
altered state of consciousness
alternative health practice
Amityville hoax
amulet
Amway
ancient astronauts
anecdotal evidence
angel
angel therapy
animal quacker
animism
anomalous cognition
anomalous luminous phenomena
anomalous perturbation
anomaly
anoxia
anthropometry
anthroposophic medicine
anthroposophy
apophenia
appeal to authority
applied kinesiology
apport
Archaeoraptor
Area 51
argument from design
argument from incredulity
argument to ignorance
aromatherapy
astral body
astral projection
astrology
astrotherapy
atheism
Atlantis
aura
aura therapy
autokinetic effect
automatic writing
avatar
Ayurvedic medicine
Aztec UFO hoax

B

Bach flower therapy
Backster effect
backward (satanic) messages
ball lightning
Barnum effect
begging the question
Bermuda triangle
Bible Code
Bigfoot
bio-ching
bioharmonics
biorhythms
Blavatsky, Helena Petrovna
Blondlot
blood type diet
"blue sense"
brainwashing
breatharianism
Bridey Murphy
bright
bunyip

C

cabala
Cambrian explosion
Cardiff giant
"Carlos" hoax
cartomancy
Castaneda, Carlos
cattle mutilation
Cayce, Edgar
Celestine Prophecy
cellular memory
chain letter
chakra
channeling
Charcot, Jean-Martin
Chariots of the Gods?
charm
chelation therapy
chi
ch'i kung (qigong)
chiromancy
chiropractic
Chopra, Deepak
Christian ultra-fundamentalism [CUF]
chupacabra
clairaudience
clairvoyance
Clever Hans phenomenon
clustering illusion
codependency
cognitive bias
cognitive dissonance
coincidence
cold reading
collective hallucination
collective unconscious
colloidal minerals
communal reinforcement
complex homeopathy
confabulation
confirmation bias
coning
conjuring
conspiracy, paranoid theorists
contrarian
control study
cosmobiology
cosmology
A Course in Miracles
craniometry
craniosacral therapy
cranioscopy
creationism and creation science
crop circle
Crowley, Aleister
cryptomnesia
cryptozoology
crystal power
crystal skull
cult
cupping
curse

D

D'Adamo, Peter J.
Däniken, Erich von
decline effect
déjà vu
deport
dermo-optical perception
design, argument from
determinism
devadasi
DHEA
dianetics
displacement
divination
the divine fallacy
Dixon, Jeane
Dogon and Sirius II
dolphin-assisted therapy
Dominionism
double-blind test
dowsing
dreams
druid
dualism

E


ear candling
ectoplasm
EHF (extraordinary human function)
electromagnetic field
electronic voice phenomenon
e-meter
empiricism
EM-Power Disc
energy
enneagram
E-ray
Erhard, Werner
ESP
ESP cards (Zener cards)
est
evil eye
exorcism
experimenter effect
extraterrestrial
eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)

F

face on Mars
facilitated communication
fairy
faith
fakir
false dilemma
false memory
falun gong (falun dafa)
feng shui
fetish
file-drawer effect
firewalking
flying saucer
Ford, Arthur hoax
Forer effect
Fort, Charles
fortune telling
Freemason
free will
Freud, Sigmund
Friday the 13th
friggatriskaidekaphobia
Dr. Fritz
frontier medicine
full moon

G


gambler's fallacy
ganzfeld
Geller, Uri
geomancy
ghost
glossolalia
god
graphology
Gurdjieff, G.I.

H

haunted house
healing touch
herbal fuel
herbs
hidden persuaders
d'Holbach (Paul Henri Thiry)
holistic medicine
hollow Earth
Holocaust denial
homeopathy
hot reading
houris
Houston, Jean and the Mystery School
Hubbard, L. Ron & Scientology
hundredth monkey phenomenon
hypersensory perception (HSP)
hypnagogic
hypnopompic
hypnosis
hystero-epilepsy

I


Ica stones
I Ching
ideomotor effect
Illuminati
incantation
incorruptible body
Indian rope trick
Indigo child
inedia
infrasound
Inset Fuel Stabilizer
intelligent design
instrumental transcommunication (ITC)
intuitive
intuitive healer
invocation
IQ and race
iridology
isopathy

J


jamais vu
Januarius
jinni
jogini
John of God (João Teixeira de Faria)
Jonas, Dr. Eugen
joy touch
Jung, Carl

K


Kabalah
Kabalarian Philosophy
karma
Kennedy curse
kinesiologist
Kirlian photography
Knight, J.Z.
koro

L


Landmark Forum
laundry balls
large group awareness training program
law of truly large numbers
Lenz, Frederick
levitation
ley lines
lie detector
Lintgen, Arthur B., M.D.
Loch Ness monster
logical positivism
lucid dreaming
lunar effects
lycanthropy
Lysenkoism

M

macrobiotic
magical thinking
magick
magnet therapy
mahasamahdi
St. Malachy
manifesting
Mapinguari
Marfa lights
Mars Effect
Mars, face on
massage therapy
materialism
Mayan prophecy
meditation
medium
memory
men in black
mentalist
mesmerism
meta-analysis
metaphysics
metempsychosis
metoposcopy
(new) millennium
microacupuncture
mind
mind-control
Mineral Doctor
minerals
miracle
mokele mbembe
molecular frequency discrimination
moment of silence
Moody, Raymond
(full) moon
morphic resonance
Moses syndrome
Mozart Effect
multi-frequency discrimination (MFD)
multi-level marketing (MLM)
multi-level marketing (MLM) harassment
multiple personality disorder
Murphy, Bridey
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

N

natural
naturalism
naturopathy
Nazca lines
near-death experience
Nessie
network marketing (mlm)
neuro-linguistic programming
New Age therapies
new millennium
New World Order
Nigerian scam
Noah's Ark
nocebo
nosode
Nostradamus
N-rays
numerology

O


Occam's razor
occult
occultism
occult statistics
ontology
optional starting and stopping
oracle
orb
orgone energy
osteopathy
Ouija board
Ouspensky, Petyr Demianovich
out-of-body experience

P

pagan
palmistry
pantheism
papryomancy
paradigm shift
paranoid conspiracy theorists
paranormal
parapsychology
paraskevidekatriaphobia
paratrinket
pareidolia
past life regression
pathological science
PEAR (Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research)
penile plethysmograph
pentagram
personology
Philadelphia experiment
philosopher's stone
phrenology
physicalism
physiognomy
Piltdown Hoax
pious fraud
placebo effect
plant perception
Pleiadians
poltergeist
polygraph
Ponzi scheme
positive-outcome bias
post hoc fallacy
pragmatic fallacy
prana
prayer
precognition
The Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research (PEAR)
prophecy
Project Alpha
Protocols of the Elders of Zion
Protsch, Reiner (von Zieten)
pseudohistory
pseudoscience
psi
psi assumption
psi-missing
Psi-Tronics Super-Sensor Dowsing Rod
psychic
psychic detective
psychic healing
psychic photography
psychic surgery
psychoanalysis
psychokinesis
psychology
psychometry
psychotherapies, New Age
publication bias
pyramidiocy
pyramid scheme

Q

Q-Ray bracelet
quackery
Quadro Tracker
Quixtar®

R

radionics
Raël and the Raëlians
Rama
Ramtha
Randi paranormal challenge
Rath, Matthias M.D.
referral marketing (mlm)
reflexology
regressive fallacy
Reich, Wilhelm
reiki
reincarnation
remote viewing
repressed memory
repressed memory therapy
retroactive clairvoyance
retrocognition
retrospective falsification
revelation
reverse speech
Catalina Rivas
rods
rolfing
Rorschach ink blot test
Roswell
runes

S

Sai Baba
saint
sanpaku
Santa Claus
Santo, Audrey
sarcode
Sasquatch
Satan
satanic ritual abuse
Scallion, Gordon-Michael
scapulimancy
science
scientism
Scientology
scrying
séance
second sight
selection bias
selective thinking
self-deception
sensitive
shamanism
shark cartilage as a cancer cure
shoehorning
shotgunning
shroud of Turin
Sicher-Targ Distant Healing Report
Silva Mind Control (Silva Method)
Sitchin, Zecharia
sixth sense
skepticism, philosophical
sleep paralysis
slick 50& other oil additives
Soal-Goldney experiment
Sokal hoax
sorcery
souls
speed reading
spell
spirit photography
spiritualism
spontaneous human combustion
star child
Steiner, Rudolf
Steve Terbot hoax
stichomancy
stigmata
subconscious
subjective validation
subliminal
substance abuse treatment
supplements
sunk-cost fallacy
super
swastika
sympathetic magic
synchronicity
synaesthesia

T

tachyons & takionics
talisman
tantra
tarot cards
Tart, Charles
Team of Destiny® (TOD)
telekinesis
telepathy
teleportation
Ten Commandments
Tensegrity
testimonial evidence
Texas sharpshooter fallacy
theism
theist
theosophy
therapeutic touch
thought field therapy
thoughtography
Toft, Mary hoax
trance writing
Transcendental Meditation (TM)
transubstantiation
trepanation
triskaidekaphobia
Trudeau, Kevin
true-believer syndrome

U


UFO [Unidentified Flying Object]
unconscious mind
unicorn
Urantia Book
urine therapy

V


vampire
vastu
Velikovsky's Worlds in Collision
victim soul
vinyl vision
vitalism
vitamins
von Däniken, Erich
von Zieten, Reiner Protsch

W


Waldorf Schools
Wallach, Joel D. "The Mineral Doctor"
warlock
Watsonville, Our Lady of
werewolf
Wicca
wishful thinking
witch
wizard

X

xenoglossy

Y


Yeti
yin-yang

Z


Zener (ESP) cards
Zermatism
zombis & p-zombies

Don't give me this bull crap that evolution is a theory. Because creationism is just a peusdoscience like everything else on this list.

Chris said...

Just like a liberal to give supporting "facts" from an unknown source. Whoever made that list is obviously just as biased as you are. And whatever "overwhelming evidence" you think there is to support evolution, the vast majority of scientists admit there are major gaps in the "theory".

Anonymous said...

The facts are from The Skeptics Dictionary. But lets agree to disagree. Anyway, I think Coley should post on that cartoon controversy in the mid east and how an Iranian news paper is having a Holocaust cartoon contest. Maybe we can find something to agree on.